What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
