ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
