I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
