he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
