i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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