Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
