Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
