So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
