I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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