Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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