Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
