I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
