I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
