arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
