It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
