Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
