she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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