Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
