Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
someone owes me an orgasm
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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