VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
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i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
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I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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