Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
