I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
