: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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