i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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