WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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