you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
