Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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