And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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