i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
