it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
