how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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