Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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