The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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