Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

My mind said no, but my drink said yes.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay

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(571): View more from Virginia

I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.

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(310): View more from California

He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(954): View more from Florida

Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.

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(928): View more from Arizona

I got conspiracy theory drunk.

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