guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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