Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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