i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
