You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
