Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
