matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
