Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
