he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
