Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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