I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
