Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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