She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize