Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
