I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
