We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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