You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
