You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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