escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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