I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
