life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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