is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
