This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
