that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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