I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
