sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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