I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
