Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
