There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
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There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
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Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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