We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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