i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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