I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the room spins SO much faster in panama
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
