Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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