He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
