I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
