I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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